Dealing with loss while travelling

Travelling with my angel

Personal, emotional and potentially triggering post alert. This post contains heart-felt emotional stories and messages on the topic of death, loss and mental health. If you’re not up to reading this type of content, please know that it’s okay and that slowly you will gain strength, perhaps you’d be interested in my article: “Mindset for seasonaire success” instead.

“We’re all in this together”

It’s no secret that most people experience the loss of a loved one at some point in their life, but sometimes the type of loss and the timing of which can really impact how we are able to deal with or embrace moments in our lives. That’s why I’d like to share with you what it has been like for me, and some of the ways that help me to stay positive when I’m reminded of such a significant loss(es). There is not one answer as to how you should deal with grief, it is very much a personal journey to strength.

My story

To help you understand where this article started, I’d like to share part of my story with you, and perhaps I’ll have the strength to share more in the future. Here goes.

Many of us experience the loss of a grandparent, sadly I am one of these people, and that was tough, but fewer experience the loss of a sister.

August 2018 I lost my older sister to mental illness. Nothing has ever made me feel as empty, heavy, and so utterly sad. It happened while I was working in the summer season in the south of France.

“Distance heals the heart”

Since this day, people have asked me many different questions, one of which being: “Does being on the other side of the world make it harder?”.

You’d think that being on the other side of the world to my family back home after everything that has happened would be really tough, but actually it’s pretty great because I get to deal with it all on my own time, in my own space, without anyone getting me down. Everyone around me when traveling is excited to be exploring the country. I have quite literally surrounded myself with positive energy and people who in general love what they’re doing. Of course it’s not without the normal feelings of homesickness.

“The good ol’ days”

The tough bits for me come when I do seriously cool things in life and I wish my favourite people were with me to do it with me so naturally I always feel like I’m missing her. So that’s not the hard bit, the hard bit is knowing that there will never be shared moments again and there isn’t anything I truly believe that can make that any easier. I have moments when I feel memories are not ever going to be enough.

Sometimes I find it helpful to remind myself that while my sister is no longer around to share moments with me, I am lucky enough to have a brother who is alive, and although on the other side of the world right now, thanks to the internet I can share my life with him, returning my focus to those who are around me now. Something I perhaps didn't do enough while my sister was alive.

Continuing Bonds

Many people have told me that she is with me all the time this way or that she’s looking down on me super proud and living every moment with me, but that sometimes just seems like some far fetched and silliness that people can say to try to make you feel better.

I've done some more research and it has shown that around half of those who have lost loved ones feel their presence after their death.

A lot of research literature exists on this phenomenon within the model of grief called Continuing Bonds. Whether or not it’s good for the bereaved to have too strong a connection with the deceased is an ongoing discussion.

Keep it relative

The main thing that makes this whole emotional journey easier is that missing people is totally natural when you're on the other side of the world to them. So a big tip to anyone going through major grief would be to make your suffering relative, and escape somewhere distant from everyone for a little while and reflect on how grateful you are to have loving people in your life that you can miss while you're away and look forward to good times on your return. Afterall, those who we lost may not be with us in ways people like to say to comfort you but they are always in your thoughts and memories, in the parts of your heart that have made it so strong this far.

I am also often reminded of the influence that these people have had on me as a person and the way in which they inspired me. I like to use these positive reflections to remind myself of how I should be proud and grateful for all the great things and people in my life.

Live for the now

On the flipside, moving on from the feelings of loss and sadness is helped by focusing on and being present in the present moments. The people who are around me here and now. I like to believe that when one door shuts, another one can open and it's time to make the most of a bad situation.

If you’re not ready to engage with the whole world around you, focus on spending time with others, or resume your day-to-day activities, staying with a friend or family member for a short while might be the haven needed. If this isn’t a possibility, traveling to a retreat designed explicitly around grief and loss can provide mindful and trained support.

During your deepest despair, a scenario where meals are provided, someone is available to listen compassionately, actively comfort in a type of comfort zone, or give you space to be alone is ideal.

Why a holiday or time away from home can be great when grieving

Deciding to travel as a conscious way to grieve can pull us out of that isolation and provide insight, healing, transformation, relief, peace, and more.

Forcing ourselves to remain present and attentive as we navigate new surroundings in tandem with the ebb and flow of emotions can provide a necessary connection to the world around us.

Travel brings simple distractions that give us moments to retrain our attention on basic activities like buying train tickets, finding a hotel, hailing a taxi, and so forth. It can also be a significant component of mourning if travel includes activities designed to nurture our vulnerable spirits and honor the life of the loved one lost.

Meditation and mindfulness

When you’re on holiday travelling, you have more time to take in your surroundings. Take the time to sit on a bench or a rock, by a river, stream, garden wherever it may be, and just open your eyes and breathe. Honoring your feelings of loss through a mindful practice meant to bring about a state of peace and self-compassion can be a critical part of mourning. I have personally found making moments for myself like this and allowing myself to truly acknowledge my emotions has helped me to better understand and deal with them.

Exercise

It is scientifically proven that exercise releases happy endorphins in your brain. Exercise won’t make it all go away but it will make a huge difference to your headspace and how you deal with things. It doesn’t have to be anything too strenuous; even a brisk walk should do the trick.

Grief isn’t just about the death of a loved one.

I believe most are likely to think of traveling after a loved one has passed away. There are so many of us who grieve during a loved one’s terminal illness too. My sister lived with anorexia and her illness too a major toll on my family and I. Throughout my life I have made decisions to get away from home, to live in Spain as an Aupair, to go to university in a different city, to work ski seasons etc, and although these were all ‘normal’ decisions made to live my life in the best way possible, I believe they also gave me the strength to deal with her illness and support my friends and family through it too.

The magic solution?

Planning a special trip after losing a loved one can be an essential part of the grief process and grief journey. Traveling helps remind us that the world is filled with meaning, love, and beauty.

I’m not suggesting that travel is a magic solution that will resolve your pain and loss. Grief isn’t something we get over or get past, but it is something we can get through. Travel can be a healthy and healing coping mechanism. Know that your loved one wants you to live your life fully, find happiness, and not be in a continual state of suffering.

If you'd ever like to chat about anything that's on your mind, or you just feel you need cheering up, I'd love to hear from you! Join me on Instagram, send me an email, and please know that you're not alone.

Happy travels and stay positive wherever you are.

The SkiNomad